#AWAKE

I’m not being faithful
I’m trying to endure
The only thing I can do
Is this

I want to stay
I want to dream a little more
But still
It is time to leave

Yeah it’s my truth
It’s my truth
It’s probably covered in scars
But it’s my fate
It’s my fate
But I want to struggle

Maybe I, I can never fly
Like the flower petals over there
I can’t become like those with wings
Maybe I, I can’t touch the sky
But I want to stretch my arm
I want to run just a little bit more

I am just walking and walking in this darkness
Happy times asked me
If I am really okay
Oh no
I answered, no I am very frightened
But I tightly hold six flowers
And I’m only walking
Oh no

This concludes everything.
It is time to leave...

#REFLECTION

I know 
Every life's a movie
We got different stars and stories
We got different nights and mornings
Our scenarios ain't just boring
I find this movie very amusing
Everyday, I want to shoot it well
I want to caress myself

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage.

But you know, sometimes
I really really hate myself
To be honest, quite often,
I really hate myself
When I really hate myself, I go to Dduksum 
I just stand there with the familiar darkness

And then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury

The world is just another name for despair
My height is just another diameter for the earth
I am all of my joy and anxiety
It repeats everyday.

Signifying nothing.

It was another favourite poem of mine
Life's Brief Candle..

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day

To the last syllable of recorded time,

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadows, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more; it is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.

 William Shakespeare

What have you reflected on your life?
How would you end up dying for?

#LIE

I am still the same person I was before

I am here, the same person I was from before, but

An overgrown lie is trying to swallow me whole

Caught in a lie

Find me when I was pure

I can’t be free from this lie

Give me back my smile

Caught in a lie

Pull me from this hell

I can’t be free from this pain

Save me, I am being punished

In our usrah, she told us; we should acknowledge what we feel, don't say we are okay when we're not.
Don't live in a denial state, cause all we do is buiding up a wall and we're going to bury ourselves within that wall.

So yeah, I'm not okay.

Since Dec 2015, that I became army, I'm not okay.
BTS is the wall I've created.

I caught in a lie...
It is such a pain, but bliss too; a guilty pleasure.

I can't be free.
Sometimes I wish I never know them, or kpop at all.
But sometimes, I'm glad I met them and be inspired with their musics and all...

I want to awake and fly away
But I want to dream more.

Save me.

Because I am being punished.

"Hati yang kotor itu ibarat botol yang berlumpur, tidak kira sebersih mana air yang masuk akhirnya bercampur lumpur takkan ada yang mahu minum. Bersihkan hatimu, jika mahu iman itu masuk ke dalam jiwamu"