Final confession

I never know, being a kpop fan, could be this deep.

I'm "budak usrah"
Only those ever encounter being budak usrah would understand what i'm going to say in this paragraph.
Not just a mere member of usrah group, but i was a naqibah. The one who lead, who preach. If they know what i'm doing now or what i was doing all these time, they might hate me for sure.
But why i should scared of their judgement when i believe He knows. All these time, He watch over me, sinning.
Allah who The Most Forgiving yet I take it for granted. Feeling that i'll be forgiven when in fact most of the time i'm too scared to even ask for forgiveness knowing how much i keep myself sinning, again and again.
I stopped kpop for 3 years while being overseas cause i was busy, with study and religious programme.
But once I reached home for good, i wasnt becoming a better me.

As a casual fan, i met BTS.
And i never know, being a kpop fan, could be this deep.
I never into fandom before army, even i was just a soft stan and prevent myself from childish fanwar or drama within fandom as much as possible.
I'm, afterall, a grown up lady.
But after meeting few armys in real life, making friends out of mutuals even most of them are younger than me, makes me happy.
BTS too, they make me happy.

So why are u leaving twitter?
Because i keep on sinning.

Spending money on merchandise where I could use the money for better use.
Reading fanfiction, gay smut, once a big no-no for me but slowly i enjoyed it, which scares me the most.
Spending time on twitter most of the time which i could use that time to read more books like namjoon did, or memorize more verses of quran, or just anything other than this.
Thinking bout BTS and armys, even sometimes disturb my concentration while praying, is a big sin already.
To balance being a good muslim while on stan twitter, is a disaster. It never meant to be together.

Islam and jahiliyah are never meant to be together.

So i'm leaving, hoping for better days.
Hoping for a better me.

Sincerely,
An army, was.

**To those who actually take me as real friend, not just a twitter mutual, can keep in touch with me with my private acc @hana_zul26 but i may only follow u back with ur private acc as well, not kpop stan acc 😊

**And my final confession comes along with my final giveaway, for malaysians army only, for my final album that i have from my collection. So at least i can make another person happy. Read my other posts too. At least i can spread more good words to more people. At least that. I hope i could. Inspire. Myself.

Thank you. For everything.