|| Hana 1st Giveaway ||

[APPRECIATION POST & WINNER ANNOUNCEMENT]

Hi, Hana's here 😆
I started this blog on May, and have 38 posts so far.
at first, I made this blog simply because I love to write
I have one active personal blog which my family used to read but I wish to talk more about BTS
So I made this blog and my sister actually read it at first but later she stopped
and somehow I feel abandoned, like I really want people to read my words, not for gaining fame or anything
just want to share my feelings, and all...

Then I got to know Icia in twitter @fruitytae and she was pretty much the reason why I decided to make the giveaway
she's inspired me with her previous giveaways
and even after I posted my giveaway tweet, I got like less than 10 RT and thought maybe I should cancel the whole thing but she supported me by saying,

Well don't worry about the num ppl of joining, it's their loss 😂 

she's a sunshine~ go follow her ^^

with the help of another sunshine Moon @iljeo_hopiee where she posted at @KpopGAs to RT my tweet, which they did and I got sudden increment in my blog views
and again, I feel anxiety and intimidate by abrupt attention I was gaining
Gosh I hv inferiority complexity I guess...
and even made a post called End. cause I really thought of ending them all
I cried the whole night when I posted that.

so thank you everyone who commented and gave support by telling your own stories
a big THANK YOU for everyone who joined my GA ended up saying they feel related, inspired with this blog
I wish I could write more and keep updated, but here's my feelings I poured, not all but enough to make me feel content and move on.
I don't know to say how much I appreciated all of you for making my life, well my social media life much much better and appreciated
hope we can all be friends throughout our journey :)

enough talk.
let's get to the thing people are interested with 😉

the winner to my first ever giveaway is~
*drum rolls*
Arin! @jeonhobi 💝
I've DMed her already and she replied..
why her?
because I just chose her :)
she was one of those who commented earlier but I still remember her post even after 2 months
Thank you for your nice words of sharing your thought and gave me tips to improve my writings ^^

BUT!
I wish I hv more money to give more but I barely managed my finance and even need to extend my 2nd GA because Dec is going to be tough financially for me, I need to renew my roadtax 😭

again thank you is not enough to say my gratitude
so I chose 6 more who actively comment and follow my blog to get a fanart with her bias in BTS
I DMed all of them and made into a list where each BTS member will be drawn to cooperate with #BANGTANAPPRECIATIONDAY so hopefully I'll able to post accordingly starting this Monday
(omg i hv two more art projects to finish though 😓)

here's the winner for my fanart ❤
#JUNGKOOKMONDAY Putri @plaaa_
#TAEHYUNGTUESDAY Ariana @arrisistible
#JIMINWEDNESDAY Jenney @pache_jenney
#HOBITHURSDAY Arin @jeonhobi
#YOONGIFRIDAY Tanu @bharti_tanu
#NAMJOONSATURDAY Faezah @itsFaezah
#SEOKJINSUNDAY Tania @taniasnowant

p.s please bear in mind that my fanart is very simple traditional anime-like, not fancy fanart 😂

anyways,
that's all for now. please keep supporting my blog
THANK YOU!!!! 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋

sincerely,

Hana 💘

#BEGIN

it was back then, in 2010.

The fifteen-year-old me who had nothing
The world was so big, and I was so small

I was 20 though
the day i stepped on the land of koala
with only a luggage of clothes,
I embarked into a new world I knew very little of..

Now I can't even imagine it
The wholly empty me who had no scent of his her own
I pray

the start of a week
a week of #BLOODSWEAT&TEARS
a week of depression and sadness, longing for my family 3000 miles away
a week of #LOST and painful walk here and there looking for a house to rent and stay
a week full of #LIE every time my #MAMA called, saying that I'm okay, I eat well, I sleep well, I adapt well
a week of having #STIGMA with people around me
am I going to survive?

then I met her
during meet and greet session
the one who save me
she saved me.

Love you my brother sister, I have my hyungs unnie
I developed feelings, I became myself
So I'm me, now I'm me

You make me begin
Smile with me, smile with me

my first year was full of flowers
there's thorns here and there as expected from beautiful roses
yet, all I remember now, as time passed, how we created those memories
travelled to different places
learnt new things
met new friends
so I said to myself, alhamdulillah (all praise to Allah)
I made it through my first year as an international student
I had a good life.

I feel like dying when my hyungs sisters are sad
When my hyungs sisters are hurt, it hurts more than when I am
Brothers Sisters let's cry, cry, let's cry
I don't know sadness, but I just want to cry

Because you made me again

Fly with me
You make me begin
You made me again.

during my sophomore, many challenges arose
study became harder
friendships were torn
conflicts, misunderstood, tears
but the bond between us, those who stayed, became stronger

I got to know myself through her
same goes to her
we managed
after few more years
at last we succeed
to hold that scroll
and beyond that, we learnt even more, about ourselves
I learned to know myself, to be myself
the #REFLECTION of my life.

"Your story may not have such a happy beginning but that does not make you who you are, it is the rest of it - who you choose to be" - Soothsayer, Kungfu Panda 2

lyrics trans cr. @melaninsuga 

Dear No One

it is Tory Kelly song
but listen. Jungkook made me fall in love to the song.
watch here >> https://youtu.be/SF4032XQl4I 
and the lyrics, damn...truthfully speak my heart regarding my future someone :)

I like being independent
Not so much of an investment
No one to tell me what to do
I like being by myself
Don't gotta entertain anybody else
No one to answer to...

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me the jacket when it's cold
Got that young love even when we're old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you
But I'm done lookin', for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You'll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song
Ooo-OhOh

I don't really like big crowds
I tend to shut people out
I like my space, yeah
But I'd love to have a soulmate
And God'll give him to me someday
And I know it'll be worth the wait, oh

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you
But I'm done lookin' (But I'm done lookin'), for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You'll be here, but for now
Dear no one (Dear nobody) this is your love song (Ooo-Oooh)

Sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me the jacket when it's cold
Got that young love even when we're old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you
But I'm done lookin' (I'm done lookin'), for my future someone (Ooo-Yeah)
Cause when the time is right
You'll be here, but for now
Dear no one (Dear Nobody) this is your love song (This is your love song)
Dear no one, no need to be searchin', no
Dear no one...
Dear no one...
Dear No one, this is your love song

cr. azlyrics

#BTSinktober

Day 1: My Ultimate Bias

Day 2: Bias + Animal

Day 4: Chibi

Day 6: Fantasy version of bias wrecker - Jungkook The Dark Knight

Day 7: Someone who deserves more love

Day 11: yourself as kpop star bangtan noona staff (that's my hands)

Day 12: My Bias and I

Day 13: Jimin's Birthday

Day 14: Bias wrecker (+ bias) in costume

Day 15: Ship - bangtan as family

Day 18: Favourite rapper (rap line)

Day 19: Favourite singer (vocal line)

Day 21: bias sleeping

Day 23: Stare contest bias vs bias wrecker

Day 25: Bias in winter clothing

Day 26: Favourite era - HYYH

Day 28: Favourite friendship - VMin

Day 29: Funniest Member

Day 30: Member in celebrity bromance - Jin + Food :D

Day 31: BTS Forever

See more here :)

Tony Montana

Hey gentleman
wait a minute
You pray for my failure
sorry i have no problem
mo money mo problem

I know, feel like ㅎ tony montana
Success and happiness look alike but they’re different
But I want a bigger success
More wealth and bigger honor
I want the money to chase me but I hope I don’t become the monster chasing only money

I pray
I tell myself I won’t hope for other’s failure
My family and fan, and my team are my top priorities
That’s right, let’s earn money. My grand ambition is quite high
The world is yours now the entire world is in my hand

Because i was too shook and still am with yoonmin stage's tony montana during BTS3rdmuster 

Yoongi's deep voice with melodious high tone's Jimin and his rap damn...that's a gorgeous subunit there 😍

So I put up here the lyrics translation 

My fav line is "I want the money to chase me but I hope I don’t become the monster chasing only money"

He really carefully told his feelings on fame and success and money. While on the stage Jimin sang a line goes like here I am who danced from busan that u used to curse but we went into billboard thrice

Brrrr~~

And why tony montana, not hannah montana or what not?

Please do ur own research on that 😄 But here's the last moment of tony montana life went...

Tony falls from his balcony into a fountain in the lobby below, floating face-down dead in a pool of blood and water beneath a statue of the globe carrying the inscription "The World Is Yours".

And yoongi goes the world is yours now the entire world is in my hand~

Watch yoonmin's tony montana here: https://youtu.be/5tVraTVsZBA

Tae

I'm glad he's happy today.
Cause God knows how bad i cried last night scrolling through my timeline
Listening to live streaming from army inside the venue made it worse, listened to their crying with him.

Even now, as i am writing this, and like perfect timing Hold me Tight is on my playlist gosh Tae's song.

3rd sept as they performed on show champion stage in manila, he got the bad news..
He looked tired and out of character the entire september.
Armys were anxious, antis just throw the in the flame *sigh*
Little we knew the true...

Can you trust me?

For BTS to reveal their true characters, even telling their personal secrets, i am touched.
They trust us to hold together their pain, their hardship, their blood sweat and tears...

I am glad I am a part of their success..
Even though i was late of being an army, I would be here forever :)

With proud I am going to say, "I'm an army, I am BTS fan"

Fighting Tae. You are strong. I'm glad you have 6 boys to support you all the way and of course you have us all armys ready to protect you whenever wherever. Forever 😘



Ps. I have my little BTS space now that I wish to fill more 😊

Hold me tight

I empty my drink but it gets filled with loneliness I should’ve just given in, why did I argue all the time? Even the trash bag thrown away on the street Makes a lonely sound in the wind All I did was color you in my white, blank paper But then I realized, it already became a finished picture You and I are like cell phones When we’re apart, you know we’ll be broken Only your scent completes me Hurry and hug me I can only see you I can only see you alone Look, I’m fair with everyone else but you Now I can’t live a day without you, please Hold me tight, hug me Can you trust me, can you trust me can you trust me Pull me in tight Hold me tight, hug me Can you trust me, can you trust me Please, please, please pull me in and hug me You still shine You’re still like a scented flower Now trust me, hold me once again So I can feel you, hold me Without you, I can’t breathe I’m nothing without you Open my closed heart, drench my heart So I can feel you, hold me Your arms, your warmth, your heart I want to see it all, I beg you This moment, even the warm flower scented wind Even the sky without a single cloud Everything feels cold and I’m even scared of the clear sky If you’re not here, I’m just a corpse, so how can I breathe? Your cold face tells me everything rather than words I can see a break up rising over me like a high tide I know it will soon be our last but I can’t let you go Don’t talk, don’t leave just quietly hold me girl Hold me tight, hug me Trust me, trust me, trust me Hold me tight, hug me Can you trust me, can you trust me Please, please, please pull me in and hug me

Cr. Colorcodedlyrics

I was looking at my mom now

She's sleeping soundly

I put my earphone and shuffle my playlist

Hold me tight is playing

And i am crying

She's having operation tomorrow

I wish i could hold her more into my heart

Even looking at her like this, i am thinking of them

The 7 boys who inspired me with lots of happening in my life

However here i am, where my mom needs me the most, my body is there helping her out but my mind is wandering away

Where's my priorities now?

Why am i like this??

I'm fair with everyone else but you

Hold me tight mom, so i can dearly holding you even more...

I'm sorry 😭

#AWAKE

I’m not being faithful
I’m trying to endure
The only thing I can do
Is this

I want to stay
I want to dream a little more
But still
It is time to leave

Yeah it’s my truth
It’s my truth
It’s probably covered in scars
But it’s my fate
It’s my fate
But I want to struggle

Maybe I, I can never fly
Like the flower petals over there
I can’t become like those with wings
Maybe I, I can’t touch the sky
But I want to stretch my arm
I want to run just a little bit more

I am just walking and walking in this darkness
Happy times asked me
If I am really okay
Oh no
I answered, no I am very frightened
But I tightly hold six flowers
And I’m only walking
Oh no

This concludes everything.
It is time to leave...

#REFLECTION

I know 
Every life's a movie
We got different stars and stories
We got different nights and mornings
Our scenarios ain't just boring
I find this movie very amusing
Everyday, I want to shoot it well
I want to caress myself

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage.

But you know, sometimes
I really really hate myself
To be honest, quite often,
I really hate myself
When I really hate myself, I go to Dduksum 
I just stand there with the familiar darkness

And then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury

The world is just another name for despair
My height is just another diameter for the earth
I am all of my joy and anxiety
It repeats everyday.

Signifying nothing.

It was another favourite poem of mine
Life's Brief Candle..

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day

To the last syllable of recorded time,

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadows, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more; it is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.

 William Shakespeare

What have you reflected on your life?
How would you end up dying for?

#LIE

I am still the same person I was before

I am here, the same person I was from before, but

An overgrown lie is trying to swallow me whole

Caught in a lie

Find me when I was pure

I can’t be free from this lie

Give me back my smile

Caught in a lie

Pull me from this hell

I can’t be free from this pain

Save me, I am being punished

In our usrah, she told us; we should acknowledge what we feel, don't say we are okay when we're not.
Don't live in a denial state, cause all we do is buiding up a wall and we're going to bury ourselves within that wall.

So yeah, I'm not okay.

Since Dec 2015, that I became army, I'm not okay.
BTS is the wall I've created.

I caught in a lie...
It is such a pain, but bliss too; a guilty pleasure.

I can't be free.
Sometimes I wish I never know them, or kpop at all.
But sometimes, I'm glad I met them and be inspired with their musics and all...

I want to awake and fly away
But I want to dream more.

Save me.

Because I am being punished.

"Hati yang kotor itu ibarat botol yang berlumpur, tidak kira sebersih mana air yang masuk akhirnya bercampur lumpur takkan ada yang mahu minum. Bersihkan hatimu, jika mahu iman itu masuk ke dalam jiwamu"