Young Forever

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*****

Forever we are young

Amidst the scattering rain of flower petals

I run, wandering through this maze

Forever, we are young

I may fall down and get hurt

But I still run endlessly towards my dreams

The Prophet (SAW) said:

“Take benefit of five before five:
Your youth before your old age,
Your health before your sickness,
Your wealth before your poverty,
Your free-time before your preoccupation and
Your life before your death.”
[Mustadrak Al-Haakim]

Being young is not long lasting. 

The question is how you define young?

Bill Gates founded Microsoft at the age of 20 while Steve Jobs co-founded apple when he was 21

Sultan Muhammad Al-Fateh conquered Constantinople at the age of 21 as well

Yet, Prophet Muhammad became the muslim leader in Madinah when he was 53 years old. 

So my point is, age is just a number. 

But being young is what we work on ourselves for a better future. 

What is our dream?

What is our purpose of life?

What we want to achieve at certain age?

Life is indeed a short journey, so what we had done to our youth?

I became an ARMY when I was 25

I love their concept, of promoting youth energy. 

From being a rebellious youngster, hatred towards adulthood that seems meaningless, to fall in love with someone might not worth for, to work hard for your dreams while keeping the youth vibe. 

Me being a kpop fan for almost 8 years, now become an adult I feel how meaningless this fangirling thing. 

But since I found BTS, I became 18 years old me all over again. 

Because I thought this is the thing that will make me work hard towards my dream. 

To stay young, to feel young. 

But I was wrong. 

I am scared actually. 

Being an adult, I scare of it. 

Making choices in life. 

Being fully responsible with your decision. 

Work hard to get money to keep on living. 

Pay debts for my degree, house rent, car loan etc etc.

So I choose to feel and stay young by watching their videos, following their tweets, enjoying their performances. 

Yet, I spent too much time on them that I forgot to work on my own dream, my own life. 

And I feel that my youth is fading...

I don't blame them. 

I feel the happiness, more to guilty pleasure I would say. 

They work so hard on their parts. 

Just remember to work hard on our parts too. 

As an army, I wish to say this to all other armys;

Who spent too much time bickering other fandom and condemning other co-stars in variety show that mistreat the boys,

Who spent too much money on merchandise until they broke,

Who spent too much energy crying and screaming over them, and even pushing them that almost get them hurt (wait, ru really an army?)

Please get a life of yourselves that worth fighting for. 

Bangtan boys are humans, like we are. 

Let them live their lifes, that we could give all the supports, at the same time give time for your own life and work on it. 

May God bless...

Having someone to go to, having someone to love, having both is a blessing that was sent from above. Right, Tae? :)

First Love

Even when I pushed you away
Even when I resented meeting you
You were firmly by my side
You didn’t have to say anything
So don’t ever let go of my hand
I won’t let you go ever again either
My birth and the end of my life
You will be there to watch over it all

It was not a piano.
She's my mom. My first love.
She's crying the most at the moment.
It's raining outside, the sky is crying with her.
My brothers and sisters are talking in the living room. On how they afraid mom is giving up with her life.
She cannot bear the pain anymore.
So she's crying.
And the rain is pouring even harder with her every painful sobbing.

I grabbed her hand then I let it go when my sisters came in.
It has been weeks of me listening to her cries, her pain, her sigh,
I know she's giving in, she want to leave so she will not feel the pain anymore.
While my brothers and sisters are worrying bout her feeling that way.
What do u expect?
She's dying.
Of course it hurts so much.
Why are u complaining now?

For 59 years of her life, 37 years she spent raising her 8 children.
Can't you just be with her now without complaining?

I'm not a good daughter, considering she's my first love.
I spent half of my life living far from her, study at boarding schools then further study abroad.
But i love her...
No matter how much i'm complaining too, inside ny heart.
I love her.

Allah, if leaving is the best for her then please let her go in the best possible way with the least painful she might feel.
But if not, please please save her from this painful disease, cure her, make her happy.
Please..
Save my first love.

Path/Road

Watch >> https://youtu.be/7kC79mA2kMw

With all the awards, success and worldwide recognition bangtan got this year, looking back at their debut days is totally worth.
I mentioned this before, I wasn't an army when they first debuted.
Still I can't help but feel proud with their growth.
From someone who doubt their own selves thinking if would they able make it...if they had the choices to change their path, would they changed it?
The lyrics is one of my favourite along with tomorrow and lost.

Here's the lyrics taken from btsdiary blog (cr.)

It started with Eminem, Garion, Epik High
I exceed imitation I write my own rap then carve them in
Now that I see, I’ve somehow gotten to Hongdae
All of my life savings at the time all (?) the teacher

But We Dunno We Dunno We Dunno
The future allowed no time to breathe and tied me up while I was dreaming
The trap of an abandoned reality
Oh the trap of one’s youth
My fiery heart lost to my cold head

While I had blind faith that my choice was the right one, 
something that I can’t identify as an angel or Satan says
“Wouldn’t you like to rap properly"
Yes No There is no time to hesitate

I, who didn’t want to make an even bigger idiot out of myself,
came to this place and 3 years have since passed
Some say art is long, life is short
But now for me art is life, life is sports
Just do it on

 Countless measures of time has passed and it’s 2013
I remained as trainee for 3 years
Before I knew it, I’ve changed from a high school student to an oversized child

Grey hairs of greed and ambition increase and the many friends I had split off one by one
Lonely without family, I greet my third spring in Seoul alone
I thought my worries will ease with the debut in front of my nose;
I closed my eyes to the present that could not be altered

Reality was different, even when my peers tried to keep me
I walked the lightless tunnels on my own
I thought I was alone but I’ve learned that we are seven.  
No longer barefoot, wearing shoes called Bangtan
We go on forward another step, newer than the last.
Towards the fourth spring we’ll greet in Seoul

 It’s the year 2010, my steps head to Seoul.
I, who started out just loving dance is soon to stand on stage
Until then I combat the many pains and scars and prepare myself
I nurture my notion to bend rather than to break and run for 3 years and ignite the stars in my heart
Now see me anew I carve ‘Bangtan’ into a blank page that means the whole world.
I walk towards my brighter future I put on a smile for the further days.

Would I have changed? 

If I had chosen a different path, if I had stopped and looked back 

What will I get to see? 

At the end of this road, where you would be standing

I used to study engineering for four years

and now I am a teacher for two years

Still there's voice inside me, do you really want to be a teacher for the rest of your life?

I met my high school teacher and he asked me the same and I replied yes I love to teach then he said,

"you never try to be other than teacher, how do u know if u would be happy doing other things or not"

Would I have changed if I had chosen a different path?

What will I get to see if I stopped and looked back?

Where I would be standing at the end of this road called life?

Of course I want a better life to live in, but I dream of having a greater life hereafter 

I have one bigger mission than just a career...

What is your path?

Letter from an ARMY

"stanning bts is the most fulfilling, satisfying, rewarding experience.. theyve seriously given me the happiest moment in my life" -vminissi

Disclaimer: This is my letter. Only my opinion. Not all armys.

I am one year army. Although i've been into kpop since 8 or 9 years ago, I never become part in any fandom. I just love kpop musics as general. They've been accompanying me whenever i need to study. Because i didn't care bout the lyrics nor i understand them.
I just listen and do my work. And i'd be mad if there's kpop song playing when i want to sleep. Cause for me, kpop is for me to stay up. That's all.

But later, as I grew up...I realized some songs contain explicit content. Not good to my belief as a muslim. So I started to read lyrics translation each time I like a song.

In 2010, I came across exo. In fact, i was stanning them since they debuted. I love MAMA, the lyrics were nice though i dun remember it well now.
And later they became famous with growl. The song was so catchy and i even learned the dance.
I love their XOXO album the most though i didn't buy it. I never buy any kpop merchs until bts.
When exoM members were out one after another and their title songs were keep repeating the same topic of a boy crazily in love with a girl, i backed off a bit.
But I still listen to their songs for each comebacks.

End of 2015, I met BTS.
Their songs in HYYH pt 2 hit me hard. So relatable, they spoke their mind and mine too in their songs. Reading lyrics translation is never be the same. So full of emotions. And stories. Youth and life.
As namjoon said, he made the songs about struggles so people who listen will not struggle as much.
I never fall in love this hard. If before i might stan a group because specifically there's someone i like (into my likings) in the group.
But BTS, i love them all. Even i have bias and all, i still love them as BTS.

I made a twitter acc and joined the fandom.
Along the way, i've been thinking of backing off as well. It was a rollercoaster emotional ride to be in this fandom.
There are immature fans, rude fans make me questioned myself why I'm in this at the first place.
But then I met so many others beautiful souls of armys around the world.
Who love the boys as much, and love to share the happiness with other armys.
Who share encouraging words here and then.

At first all i did was following ppl for giveaways. But now i hold giveaways myself and met nice people along the way.
I managed to buy albums for myself and want to share more with others as well.
Especially those malaysian armys that honestly i feel like meeting old friends.
Even mostly or i would say all of my mutuals except maybe 1 are younger than me, i feel loved.
To be able to support them as well and share my life experiences is an honor.

Now whenever i see those fanwars, I back off immediately. I don't want to spread hate.
Someone posted saying her friend told her why she hates army is because most armys are stanning BTS only.
So what's wrong with that?
Like I do listen to other songs as well but stanning one is enough.
Enough for my emotions and money, I can't never be like those multifandom fans.
I'm barely survive with BTS haha

By stanning means I'm going to support my boys as much as I can without dragging others down..
Every idols work so hard to achieve whatever achievement they deserved
So move on.
U support yours, i support mine
Why hate when we can always spread love :)

Sincerely,
An ARMY

|| Hana 1st Giveaway ||

[APPRECIATION POST & WINNER ANNOUNCEMENT]

Hi, Hana's here 😆
I started this blog on May, and have 38 posts so far.
at first, I made this blog simply because I love to write
I have one active personal blog which my family used to read but I wish to talk more about BTS
So I made this blog and my sister actually read it at first but later she stopped
and somehow I feel abandoned, like I really want people to read my words, not for gaining fame or anything
just want to share my feelings, and all...

Then I got to know Icia in twitter @fruitytae and she was pretty much the reason why I decided to make the giveaway
she's inspired me with her previous giveaways
and even after I posted my giveaway tweet, I got like less than 10 RT and thought maybe I should cancel the whole thing but she supported me by saying,

Well don't worry about the num ppl of joining, it's their loss 😂 

she's a sunshine~ go follow her ^^

with the help of another sunshine Moon @iljeo_hopiee where she posted at @KpopGAs to RT my tweet, which they did and I got sudden increment in my blog views
and again, I feel anxiety and intimidate by abrupt attention I was gaining
Gosh I hv inferiority complexity I guess...
and even made a post called End. cause I really thought of ending them all
I cried the whole night when I posted that.

so thank you everyone who commented and gave support by telling your own stories
a big THANK YOU for everyone who joined my GA ended up saying they feel related, inspired with this blog
I wish I could write more and keep updated, but here's my feelings I poured, not all but enough to make me feel content and move on.
I don't know to say how much I appreciated all of you for making my life, well my social media life much much better and appreciated
hope we can all be friends throughout our journey :)

enough talk.
let's get to the thing people are interested with 😉

the winner to my first ever giveaway is~
*drum rolls*
Arin! @jeonhobi 💝
I've DMed her already and she replied..
why her?
because I just chose her :)
she was one of those who commented earlier but I still remember her post even after 2 months
Thank you for your nice words of sharing your thought and gave me tips to improve my writings ^^

BUT!
I wish I hv more money to give more but I barely managed my finance and even need to extend my 2nd GA because Dec is going to be tough financially for me, I need to renew my roadtax 😭

again thank you is not enough to say my gratitude
so I chose 6 more who actively comment and follow my blog to get a fanart with her bias in BTS
I DMed all of them and made into a list where each BTS member will be drawn to cooperate with #BANGTANAPPRECIATIONDAY so hopefully I'll able to post accordingly starting this Monday
(omg i hv two more art projects to finish though 😓)

here's the winner for my fanart ❤
#JUNGKOOKMONDAY Putri @plaaa_
#TAEHYUNGTUESDAY Ariana @arrisistible
#JIMINWEDNESDAY Jenney @pache_jenney
#HOBITHURSDAY Arin @jeonhobi
#YOONGIFRIDAY Tanu @bharti_tanu
#NAMJOONSATURDAY Faezah @itsFaezah
#SEOKJINSUNDAY Tania @taniasnowant

p.s please bear in mind that my fanart is very simple traditional anime-like, not fancy fanart 😂

anyways,
that's all for now. please keep supporting my blog
THANK YOU!!!! 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋

sincerely,

Hana 💘

#BEGIN

it was back then, in 2010.

The fifteen-year-old me who had nothing
The world was so big, and I was so small

I was 20 though
the day i stepped on the land of koala
with only a luggage of clothes,
I embarked into a new world I knew very little of..

Now I can't even imagine it
The wholly empty me who had no scent of his her own
I pray

the start of a week
a week of #BLOODSWEAT&TEARS
a week of depression and sadness, longing for my family 3000 miles away
a week of #LOST and painful walk here and there looking for a house to rent and stay
a week full of #LIE every time my #MAMA called, saying that I'm okay, I eat well, I sleep well, I adapt well
a week of having #STIGMA with people around me
am I going to survive?

then I met her
during meet and greet session
the one who save me
she saved me.

Love you my brother sister, I have my hyungs unnie
I developed feelings, I became myself
So I'm me, now I'm me

You make me begin
Smile with me, smile with me

my first year was full of flowers
there's thorns here and there as expected from beautiful roses
yet, all I remember now, as time passed, how we created those memories
travelled to different places
learnt new things
met new friends
so I said to myself, alhamdulillah (all praise to Allah)
I made it through my first year as an international student
I had a good life.

I feel like dying when my hyungs sisters are sad
When my hyungs sisters are hurt, it hurts more than when I am
Brothers Sisters let's cry, cry, let's cry
I don't know sadness, but I just want to cry

Because you made me again

Fly with me
You make me begin
You made me again.

during my sophomore, many challenges arose
study became harder
friendships were torn
conflicts, misunderstood, tears
but the bond between us, those who stayed, became stronger

I got to know myself through her
same goes to her
we managed
after few more years
at last we succeed
to hold that scroll
and beyond that, we learnt even more, about ourselves
I learned to know myself, to be myself
the #REFLECTION of my life.

"Your story may not have such a happy beginning but that does not make you who you are, it is the rest of it - who you choose to be" - Soothsayer, Kungfu Panda 2

lyrics trans cr. @melaninsuga 

Dear No One

it is Tory Kelly song
but listen. Jungkook made me fall in love to the song.
watch here >> https://youtu.be/SF4032XQl4I 
and the lyrics, damn...truthfully speak my heart regarding my future someone :)

I like being independent
Not so much of an investment
No one to tell me what to do
I like being by myself
Don't gotta entertain anybody else
No one to answer to...

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me the jacket when it's cold
Got that young love even when we're old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you
But I'm done lookin', for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You'll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song
Ooo-OhOh

I don't really like big crowds
I tend to shut people out
I like my space, yeah
But I'd love to have a soulmate
And God'll give him to me someday
And I know it'll be worth the wait, oh

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you
But I'm done lookin' (But I'm done lookin'), for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You'll be here, but for now
Dear no one (Dear nobody) this is your love song (Ooo-Oooh)

Sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me the jacket when it's cold
Got that young love even when we're old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you
But I'm done lookin' (I'm done lookin'), for my future someone (Ooo-Yeah)
Cause when the time is right
You'll be here, but for now
Dear no one (Dear Nobody) this is your love song (This is your love song)
Dear no one, no need to be searchin', no
Dear no one...
Dear no one...
Dear No one, this is your love song

cr. azlyrics

#BTSinktober

Day 1: My Ultimate Bias

Day 2: Bias + Animal

Day 4: Chibi

Day 6: Fantasy version of bias wrecker - Jungkook The Dark Knight

Day 7: Someone who deserves more love

Day 11: yourself as kpop star bangtan noona staff (that's my hands)

Day 12: My Bias and I

Day 13: Jimin's Birthday

Day 14: Bias wrecker (+ bias) in costume

Day 15: Ship - bangtan as family

Day 18: Favourite rapper (rap line)

Day 19: Favourite singer (vocal line)

Day 21: bias sleeping

Day 23: Stare contest bias vs bias wrecker

Day 25: Bias in winter clothing

Day 26: Favourite era - HYYH

Day 28: Favourite friendship - VMin

Day 29: Funniest Member

Day 30: Member in celebrity bromance - Jin + Food :D

Day 31: BTS Forever

See more here :)

Tony Montana

Hey gentleman
wait a minute
You pray for my failure
sorry i have no problem
mo money mo problem

I know, feel like ㅎ tony montana
Success and happiness look alike but they’re different
But I want a bigger success
More wealth and bigger honor
I want the money to chase me but I hope I don’t become the monster chasing only money

I pray
I tell myself I won’t hope for other’s failure
My family and fan, and my team are my top priorities
That’s right, let’s earn money. My grand ambition is quite high
The world is yours now the entire world is in my hand

Because i was too shook and still am with yoonmin stage's tony montana during BTS3rdmuster 

Yoongi's deep voice with melodious high tone's Jimin and his rap damn...that's a gorgeous subunit there 😍

So I put up here the lyrics translation 

My fav line is "I want the money to chase me but I hope I don’t become the monster chasing only money"

He really carefully told his feelings on fame and success and money. While on the stage Jimin sang a line goes like here I am who danced from busan that u used to curse but we went into billboard thrice

Brrrr~~

And why tony montana, not hannah montana or what not?

Please do ur own research on that 😄 But here's the last moment of tony montana life went...

Tony falls from his balcony into a fountain in the lobby below, floating face-down dead in a pool of blood and water beneath a statue of the globe carrying the inscription "The World Is Yours".

And yoongi goes the world is yours now the entire world is in my hand~

Watch yoonmin's tony montana here: https://youtu.be/5tVraTVsZBA

Tae

I'm glad he's happy today.
Cause God knows how bad i cried last night scrolling through my timeline
Listening to live streaming from army inside the venue made it worse, listened to their crying with him.

Even now, as i am writing this, and like perfect timing Hold me Tight is on my playlist gosh Tae's song.

3rd sept as they performed on show champion stage in manila, he got the bad news..
He looked tired and out of character the entire september.
Armys were anxious, antis just throw the in the flame *sigh*
Little we knew the true...

Can you trust me?

For BTS to reveal their true characters, even telling their personal secrets, i am touched.
They trust us to hold together their pain, their hardship, their blood sweat and tears...

I am glad I am a part of their success..
Even though i was late of being an army, I would be here forever :)

With proud I am going to say, "I'm an army, I am BTS fan"

Fighting Tae. You are strong. I'm glad you have 6 boys to support you all the way and of course you have us all armys ready to protect you whenever wherever. Forever 😘



Ps. I have my little BTS space now that I wish to fill more 😊

Hold me tight

I empty my drink but it gets filled with loneliness I should’ve just given in, why did I argue all the time? Even the trash bag thrown away on the street Makes a lonely sound in the wind All I did was color you in my white, blank paper But then I realized, it already became a finished picture You and I are like cell phones When we’re apart, you know we’ll be broken Only your scent completes me Hurry and hug me I can only see you I can only see you alone Look, I’m fair with everyone else but you Now I can’t live a day without you, please Hold me tight, hug me Can you trust me, can you trust me can you trust me Pull me in tight Hold me tight, hug me Can you trust me, can you trust me Please, please, please pull me in and hug me You still shine You’re still like a scented flower Now trust me, hold me once again So I can feel you, hold me Without you, I can’t breathe I’m nothing without you Open my closed heart, drench my heart So I can feel you, hold me Your arms, your warmth, your heart I want to see it all, I beg you This moment, even the warm flower scented wind Even the sky without a single cloud Everything feels cold and I’m even scared of the clear sky If you’re not here, I’m just a corpse, so how can I breathe? Your cold face tells me everything rather than words I can see a break up rising over me like a high tide I know it will soon be our last but I can’t let you go Don’t talk, don’t leave just quietly hold me girl Hold me tight, hug me Trust me, trust me, trust me Hold me tight, hug me Can you trust me, can you trust me Please, please, please pull me in and hug me

Cr. Colorcodedlyrics

I was looking at my mom now

She's sleeping soundly

I put my earphone and shuffle my playlist

Hold me tight is playing

And i am crying

She's having operation tomorrow

I wish i could hold her more into my heart

Even looking at her like this, i am thinking of them

The 7 boys who inspired me with lots of happening in my life

However here i am, where my mom needs me the most, my body is there helping her out but my mind is wandering away

Where's my priorities now?

Why am i like this??

I'm fair with everyone else but you

Hold me tight mom, so i can dearly holding you even more...

I'm sorry 😭

#AWAKE

I’m not being faithful
I’m trying to endure
The only thing I can do
Is this

I want to stay
I want to dream a little more
But still
It is time to leave

Yeah it’s my truth
It’s my truth
It’s probably covered in scars
But it’s my fate
It’s my fate
But I want to struggle

Maybe I, I can never fly
Like the flower petals over there
I can’t become like those with wings
Maybe I, I can’t touch the sky
But I want to stretch my arm
I want to run just a little bit more

I am just walking and walking in this darkness
Happy times asked me
If I am really okay
Oh no
I answered, no I am very frightened
But I tightly hold six flowers
And I’m only walking
Oh no

This concludes everything.
It is time to leave...