The realms of day and night, two different worlds coming from two opposite poles, mingled during this time.
I am not sure what's coming within myself.
Just too sudden, I became so anxious with myself.
What am I doing?
Is it because after I watched them celebrating namjoon's birthday?
Or because after I thought about my own age?
I kept telling myself and my sisters, that I stan BTS because they inspired me.
About youth.
They inspired me to draw again.
They inspired me to write more.
But honestly, in real life, what have I done to show they inspired me to change myself to be a better person?
I am touched with the comments I got to my previous posts.
But slowly the thoughts came into me.
They said they felt inspired by my words, or how BTS really inspired them in life.
But what they mean by their life is their school or college life, their study life.
I ended that period of life years ago.
So again, what have I achieved by stanning them at this age?
How could I move on from this obsession of kpop that I had since I was a teenager?
None.
I cannot find an answer now.
But deep inside, I know...I really should left this fandom.
Not out of hate.
I love ARMY. I love BTS too.
But I guess I should love my life more.
And what I want to achieve more in the future.
And to please Him, I know...I really should had move on long ago.
To my readers, especially those who read solely because of my GA,
I will come again in November and choose the winner, it is a promise I need to keep inshaAllah.
But I guess I would not post anything much further.
It can be just a temporary stop but it could be much longer or forever.
Thank you for reading my blog.
Thank you for opened up your feelings on certain part of your life in this blog.
Thank you for being encouragable and for giving positive words.
I hope, this writings of mine, give some kind of benefit to you in any possible ways.
As my blog related much to my twitter and my instagram, I might be idle for some time for those as well.
Now is a month of Dzulhijjah.
Or could also be known as a month of sacrifice.
Where Abraham was tested by God to sacrifice his son by slaughtering him.
Then Abraham passed the test, his son was safe and we muslims celebrate EidulAdha by slaughtering cows as remembrance of that day.
But very little we take time to ponder on the story.
On how we also have things to sacrifice in life.
In order to be closer to God.
Not physically but within our faith, our belief.
How should we act upon ourselves in doing what's good for us, and what He has been given responsibility on us.
This is my sacrifice.
I'm sorry for being too sudden to stop while still doing my GA.
Until november, please be healthy.
Both ARMY and BTS ❤
I love you all. But i love my deen even more and I wish I could show that love somehow.
Salam. May peace be upon you 😌
@WinterSky411 You said you achieved inspiration to draw and write again. What you write about is useful for us, you write about experience, you write advice in a way. And yes, I'm one of the people who's here for the GA, and I'm a high school student. We find your posts inspirational because it is eye-opening for us who are still at the peak of our youth. We're still experiencing new things that you have already experienced. You have talent in drawing too, and BTS was able to inspire you to polish that talent even more and showcase it to others, share it to others. I'm still a kid, I might not be able to understand what you actually mean. But even so, please don't leave the fandom, continue to love BTS and ARMYs since it is something you enjoy. It makes you happy, right? If what made you anxious is the realization of the obsession you have with KPOP then you can just tone it down but don't completely sacrifice something you enjoy! Hwaiting! I hope you can find a solution to this problem you're currently facing.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this, I felt sad because I didn't know what other fans were going through. Please be strong and continue to support BTS and ARMYs. Don't they make you feel happy? Don't they inspire you to be your best? You have a talent, so never give up on your dreams. I hope you are able to find a solution!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI came here because of the giveaway but, no just don't leave that Fandom in such a way. After all, they make you happy, right?? I have heard many people say that life is boring, they don't have anything new to do. But as for you, or us as Kpop fans, we never get tried or bored of life!!! And as for me, after Kpop, I have become more optimistic, and I feel like everything has to be fine in the end! I might still be just 15 but There's one thing I'll say, that leaving us, ARMYS won't do any good, will it?? After all, BTS inspired u to draw and write again. If u leave the fandom, whi knows u might lose interest in writing and drawing?? Please don't leave. You inspired me, you opened my eyes. I don't want you to leave!! I wanna read more of ur writings!!! Fighting!!
ReplyDeleteI came here because of the giveaway but, no just don't leave that Fandom in such a way. After all, they make you happy, right?? I have heard many people say that life is boring, they don't have anything new to do. But as for you, or us as Kpop fans, we never get tried or bored of life!!! And as for me, after Kpop, I have become more optimistic, and I feel like everything has to be fine in the end! I might still be just 15 but There's one thing I'll say, that leaving us, ARMYS won't do any good, will it?? After all, BTS inspired u to draw and write again. If u leave the fandom, whi knows u might lose interest in writing and drawing?? Please don't leave. You inspired me, you opened my eyes. I don't want you to leave!! I wanna read more of ur writings!!! Fighting!!
ReplyDeleteI came here because of the giveaway but, no just don't leave that Fandom in such a way. After all, they make you happy, right?? I have heard many people say that life is boring, they don't have anything new to do. But as for you, or us as Kpop fans, we never get tried or bored of life!!! And as for me, after Kpop, I have become more optimistic, and I feel like everything has to be fine in the end! I might still be just 15 but There's one thing I'll say, that leaving us, ARMYS won't do any good, will it?? After all, BTS inspired u to draw and write again. If u leave the fandom, whi knows u might lose interest in writing and drawing?? Please don't leave. You inspired me, you opened my eyes. I don't want you to leave!! I wanna read more of ur writings!!! Fighting!!
ReplyDelete@bangtaniiieee: OKAY! Yes unfortunately, and I gravely admit this, but yeah I came across your blog because of the GA. Because it was something that I wanted to join.
ReplyDeleteI don't know you, you don't know me and I know that I probaaaably don't have the right to say this because we are completely and utterly strangers to each other. To add more I'm actually younger (still a student) and obviously has less experience in life than you do. (WHY DID TOMORROW HAD TO PLAY NOW seriously this song?!) Would it be a crime and a totally despicable act for me to say that I UNDERSTAND. I get what you mean eonni. About the moving on in life thing and leaving the fangirling life BUT still loving them. I understand it all (I don't even know if I would be able to say it all in here because I tend to have hesitations). In fact there are still times when I tell myself, "Get it together! You've been spending too much time fangirling on the Internet!" My oppas have been busy working hard for their dreams (even during their birthdays and holidays) and they've been making songs about achieving our dreams but sometimes even I think that I'M NOT WORKING HARD enough to achieve mine. I watch from the sidelines as BTS achieves theirs but sometimes I stop to think, when will I be achieving mine as well? I WILL ALWAYS BE A SUPPORTER even on the sidelines but is that all I want to be in life? I LOVE THE FANDOM SO MUCH that I think my fellow ARMYs might hate me for this but I'm not going to force you to stay if you decide that its practically time to achieve your own dreams. While thinking after I read your post something struck me although I am afraid for it to be either right and wrong. It’s just a thought anyway but I feel like I have to say it in an explanatory kind of way:~
@bangtaniiiee: ~ BTS has been my inspiration not only in school but they helped clear out some of the views surrounding my life. Their songs, their lyrics. All of these I hold very dearly inside my heart for each verse weighs a lot to me (some of my friends even make fun of me because they think I'm getting way too affected by my fangirling). Yes, BTS deserves the love and support. But then I wondered that as I would grow older as well, I believe that one of the best ways I can show BTS how much they have been an impact on me, how much I've been keeping them in my heart, how much THEY ACTUALLY MEAN, is by following my own dreams and being truly happy in the end. It’s more than the concerts, fan meetings, merchandises, updates, and stanning. I CANNOT SPEAK FOR THEM but I strongly believe that BTS' hearts would feel a deep sense of fulfillment knowing how their lyrics TRULY changed their ARMYs lives (and by truly I mean TRULY as in the real world with your dreams, goals, and future not changed you in a way that you've touched their hands once and that will be your most beautiful moment ever [although I honestly cannot blame you])
ReplyDeleteWHAT SCARES ME is the thought of actually letting fangirling go (when my metanoia comes). I’ve gotten so used to it that I might literally feel hurt (I’m serious I’m not dramatic) when it’s not there. It will have the same feeling as the time I had an acid reflux (about 55 days I think?). EVERYTHING on the “should control eating this” list were the foods I eat every day, some of them even my favorite. Let me name some which I remember: tomatoes, chocolates, mints, coffee, tea, oily ones, citrus fruits, garlic, spicy ones, etc. I LOVE PASTA with tomato sauce and chocolates and coffee-linked beverages and some of the others. It was such a pain to not eat those BUT I MANAGED. Why? Because I realized that I would love to have my voice back (I still had some but it was a pain to talk and I couldn’t even laugh right or spend at least 3 mins without coughing my lungs out [and I mean lungs out because it would hurt like I was coughing every bit of air that I had]) So yeah I sacrificed them until I healed (still moderately eating them up to now). ~
@bangtaniiieee: ~ Many ARMYs may be struggling in life and finds BTS as their comfort, their safe place, the only warm place on earth and that's OKAY. I never said it was bad to stan them (I stan them too remember?). What I'm saying is that when you feel that moment, that urge to take a step on the path where your heart feels like it belongs, I won't be here to stop you and hold you back. As long as you still love them with all your heart, you will forever be an ARMY to me!
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to writing, I believe one who has the heart of a writer drilled inside of them will never do away of writing. I personally love to write and I've began writing a novel 2 or 3 years ago in Wattpad. Then I stopped, literally. I haven't continued writing still until now, but I believe that someday I will be back in the writing world. If writing is in your heart eonni, I think that it would not be easily erased or washed away. You might be simply just taking a break from all of this. You never know!!
sincerely from someone you never even met.
END
Writing and blogging is just about how we can istiqomah to keep writing even it's just a single words..
ReplyDeleteNot need to push yourself to write a long sentences..
As i say before, i like the way you write bts thing and combine it with moslem history..
It would be a nice and simole knowledge to the people that come to your blog,,
I'm not that type of people that can write something really long..
But here i wanna tell u, that i'm a blogger too, but i'm not that constant to post at my blog..you know i'm lacking too, i'm lacking at time management, but i want to encourage you so i'll have some courage to keep writing,,
It's @anugrah_4689 from twitter
This is making me emotional. Your post and entries will surely be missed. This is @whattajeon wishing you to overcome every obstacles youre encountering.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit I have only been reading your blog posts recently. HOWEVER I have been binge reading all of them and I have no regrets. It's as if i discovered a whole new book series because I am hooked. I am attracted and pleased with your beautiful writing style and personality as well as your points and ideas. I understand that we all have to live our lives and bts has another place in our lives. But bts has been with us and helped us. They have also helped in your blog posts as well HAHAH and if they were to read these, theyd be heartwarmingly touched. Your blog posts, how you share your lives with us readers, they have inspired and helped us as bts has helped us. I know it's weird for a newcomer to comment about it but it has helped me.I will support you in whichever direction you choose to take. Good luck and I wish you luck and love in you future endeavors. ♡ (twitter : @arrisistible)
ReplyDeleteWe always had those times of being anxious and get stressed about things. We tried of being optimistic everyday but there is always some point of time that we became afraid and we had a lot of what ifs.. It is normal, because we are all human. You know what unnie? I'm a bit envious of you, i mean because you already have a profession, a title. I am also done with my school life but I am still a student (to have my own profession, my own goal). There's always a time that I get so tired, but those times I really listens or watches things that can makes me happy, that can makes me relieve my stressed. And that is Bangtan. They really gives me a lot of strength and inspired me to do well. You remember what namjoon said in one of their ending ment? We can find something is beautiful because there is something that's terrible. The process of achieving our own HYYH is already a HYYH itself. If bangtan can makes you happy, do not withhold that happiness. Let them become you're HAPPY PILLS 💊💜 Be strong unnie. ❣️
ReplyDeleteAnd this isn't about album anymore. I came here at your blogsite because I really enjoyed reading your blogs and it is really and eyeopener about life ❣️
ReplyDelete- @YeddaDianneHart
Why so sudden? :( we should think about our real life. But u have said that BTS inspired u
ReplyDeleteand motivated u to draw and write again r8? Its okay to still be army, but not that deep. Like u dont have to stalk their account ,make fan account for fangirling. U just listen to their music and get strenght from it. Thats it. It also support BTS. You still support them in ur free time. BTS inspired me with them lyrics. Its so beautiful and meaningful. Before I bcm an ARMY,i dont have future. But after, i know what to do in d future, how can I spend my day with useful activities..become better person everyday. Maybe I'll stop fangirling when I married hahah
So...eventho u r 25, its okay to keep fangirling things in ur life. As long it balance w/ ur real life. If BTS be ur motivator,why not?
FIGHTING!
P.s I want to make myown blog like you too huhu T....T
Twitter.com/sweetsalad_613
Aku mau comment pakai bahasa indonesia ya kak hana hehe. Aku ngerti bahasa inggris, tapi untuk nulis panjang panjang pake bahasa inggris bingung juga takut salah😂😂😂 aku juga sering kepikiran untuk leave fandom, tapi setiap liat mereka lagi, lagi, dan lagi gak bisa buat leave. Rasanyaaa susah hiks😭 btw kenapa kakak berhenti post? Huuuhuu why
ReplyDelete@SNurjanah__ on twitter😚 aku tunggu cerita kakak yang baru diwattpad yaah!
ReplyDeleteIts okayy akak.. do as you wish .. I understand that you hv a life to live with .. whatever the reason(s) is, I will keep on supporting you no matter what ! I've promised that i'll comment on all of your blogs and i'll be keep that promise as I've only commented 2 by far but no worries i'll keep supporting you and wait for your next blog in the future .. fighting akak !! Stay healthy too and forget to smile :) senyum itu kan satu sedekah ;)) *tekan je nama saya muncullah twitter saya*
ReplyDeleteWow. You tught some of muslims stuffs and its interesting. Btw what is month of Dzulhijjah, i am interested though. Kinda fun learning. We armys are always fangirling about them but we should not forget how BTS came this far way better been years. So we should learn from them. We need to work hard to achieve few of our goals. I know you are facing some problems too. Peole do make mistake as we are humans no one is perfect but we should never give up on achieving our dreams. Your blogspot is a blessing to our fandom as well as you too. So never give up on writing this. I will always support you. From @JamlessT
ReplyDeleteHai, Hana... I know I was so late knowing your sudden leaving. But I hope you'll read my comment and we'll can interact again on November.
ReplyDeleteI know it too. That someday I'll stop this hobby, this habbit. Being addicted to k-pop. Even fangirling over a boygroup like BTS, who mostly have teenagers fan.
I know, someday I need to leave and move on, continuing my life.
However, I think why not enjoying this kind of happiness for this time. Fangirling and promoting BTS. I feel the happiness by doing it tho. So I think it's okay for now.
I'm sure that I still have time maybe one or two year to love this kind of thing. Before I move on, maybe marry someone and start my own family. At that time maybe I need to leave this kind of things behind.
So I mean, it an be the same for you, Hana.. Don't be hesitate to enjoy your youth. You need to work hard, as BTS inspired us, but enjoying their music also can be one way to relax and get out from our problem.
I wish it can make you ensure that it's okay to be like this. A 20 something years old fangirl who sometimes screaming over 7 korean young boys. Because at that time maybe we can feel the real us. One of our shades, the real us from inside. No matter what it will be like, childish or whatever, it still us.
Love yourself & keep going.
Be successful & enjoy your life as long as you have chances.
Be happy, Hana.
Nice to know you, again. ^^
fannie (@khiphop_fan)