#WINGS

I wanted only to try to live in accord with the promptings which came from my true self. Why was that so very difficult? 
Demian: The Story of Emil Sinclair's Youth by Hermann Hesse 

tell me? is there any other idol groups that make the fans go all out reading a philosophy storybook?
none but BTS. i stan the right group.

***

it was a peaceful night. I've got less work to do so I might just sleep early.
11PM. A notification came in, @BTS_twt RT something.
 

#WINGS so the episode #BEGIN where all army are seeking for the truth, all become the next Sherlock Holmes trying to figure out the meaning of this. 

Even the video made me shocked, the horror theme while me watching in the dark.

so yes. my peaceful night ain't peaceful anymore.

but still, I slept soon after.

Woke up in the morning didn't do much help. The feelings were still lingering over me.

Tried to digest some theories but I gave up except I'm interested in reading the book that Namjoon narrated a verse in the video.

So I read. and I shook even more.

this is deep. too deep. make me questioned myself of wanting to read this book at the first place.

That is why every man's story is important, eternal, sacred; that is why every man, as long as he lives and fulfills the will of nature, is wondrous, and worthy of every consideration.

As a person with religion (I am a Muslim), although the book was written by a christian looking at his reference on bible, we have a faith on God and why we humans were created at the first place.

and, we have our soul and our desire that keep on fighting inside ourselves.

The realms of day and night, two different worlds coming from two opposite poles, mingled during this time. 

There's a saying from kdrama Hello Monster/I Remember You that I like;

An elderly indian chief said to a child: In our hearts there are two wolves inside! One wolf is weak. What it has is: anger, jealousy, sadness, regret, vanity, greed, lies, pride, superiority, complexity. The other wolf is a good wolf. What it has is: happiness, love, hope, kindness, mercy, magnanimity, truth, compassion. The wolves always fight inside of us. So the child asked: “Which wolf wins?” The indian chief said: The one you feed.  

I believe every person in this world has their own two worlds.

For me, I have two obvious worlds of myself - online and offline

Before I do not call it as online, it's just inside my head.

sometimes I wrote it in my personal blog, sometimes I just made a drawing out of it, but most of the times I just keep it in myself.

Now that I have BTS and ARMY to channel my feelings online, so I did.

Still, as I expected, it don't bring me to calmness or sorts, it became anxiety, agitated, worry...

because deep inside my heart I know;

Sometimes you just have to take the leap, and build your wings on the way down - Kobi Yamada

I'm going to write more about Demian once I finished read the book.